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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Zenib's LiveJournal:

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    Tuesday, December 5th, 2006
    11:35 pm
    i forgot i had this.


    damn.
    i should be researching for papers but i feel kinda lame right now. funny how shit never changes, how i never really grow up, though im 20. still talking about the same shit. still doing the same shit. heartbreak and procrastination and being depressed. not wanting to leave my room. all the same.

    HOME in two weeks. horray?

    Current Mood: stressed
    Monday, March 13th, 2006
    4:16 pm
    IMPORTANT!
    wondering, if perhaps anyone who lived in philly would have room to let a person (a nice, quiet, sweet person) crash at their place for one night...

    this could be for either sometime this week, probably wednesday night, or sometime later in april. Thank yoU!!
    Friday, December 23rd, 2005
    7:04 pm
    i am home.

    mm yeah. i plan on doing some exercise.

    thats about it.

    ALMOST i want to see you.

    m m 3 weeks, sheeyit.
    Wednesday, November 9th, 2005
    3:57 am
    o o o it's almost 4 am.

    today (wednesday) i have much to accomplish. i made the stupid miskate of getting coffee at 11 pm and then eating mass quantities (eh not really massive) of chocolate so i cannot sleep. BUT! accomplish things i must!

    i have to give a group oral presentation in my first class. i shall be tired. but im hoping that my exhaustion will prevent me from being nervous. i have to speak first and our group goes first. horrors upon horrors. THEN! second class. teacher is a psycho. the grad students who are TAs are going on strike so some feel that we shouldnt break the picket lines soooo teacher decides we shall meet in some random spot. we have papers due tomorrow that were pushed back from a week ago. "so, are our papers due on wednesday then?" dumbass teacher: "if you want, you can bring it but if you dont get to it, dont worry!" GAH! there goes all my motivation and drive to get this stupid paper done. there is no set due date!! i will never accomplish this 5-6 paged pointless paper! i have a paragraph and it is 4 am. sob sob sob. thhhheeeenn i have a job interview! yay cuz i need a job yet having a job will ruin my weekends but eh i think i can deal? i dont know. THEN! i have to manage in meal in there somewhere and thennnn i have to go to library to research for a paper and i have to do laundry and shower and rewrite another paper and start on my final and somehow begin a paper for a book i dont have yet!!!! ahhh too many stupid papers. and spring registration is next friday! oo soo much and i have to go to the Cloisters on sunday. but if i get the job, i might not be able to . but i HAVE to for another paper. oh, and then i have to decide if i want to see the suicide machines wednesday night. i could i could maybe maybe. and alex is going to fuckin singapore on sunday! what?!! i shouldnt care, but i do. and i need to do some gyming because my lazy ass neeeeds exercise.

    on a side note: whats the appeal of thin blonde white girls? huh huh huh??? why the appeal for boring? huh? (im bitter, but over it)

    annnyway
    i should sleep. my eyes hurt. and i cant believe i just ate shit food. bah to me for that. so much for watching what i eat

    i dont know what to wear to this job interview. its supposed to rain. i dont hold up well in rain. hm hm hm im so going to be too tired to decide in the morning. ack i hope i wake up. i should sleeeep

    i shall sleeep and say FUCK YOU to my paper and somehow accomplish everything i need to accomplish. make lists and get all these stupid papers done. at least, it's almost the weekend (but if i get the job, my weekends wont be a relief anymore... damn me for needing a source of income.. i should just sell drugs)

    Current Mood: pensive
    Wednesday, October 5th, 2005
    5:20 pm
    i went to this hardcoreish show last night instead of doing work. it was so great. my friend usually goes to indie shows, and is used to being the most hardcore kid, and last night, he got beat. we so went into the fucking mosh pit and it was so intense, we got so thrashed. my whole body is in so much pain today. and i have horrible bruises, so it looks like im abused. i wore my watch. bad idea. my one wrist is so messed up. i seriously got punched all over my body. and i think someone even smacked their face into the back of my head. im so used to actual circle pits. this was just mad big guys punching every where and bouncing off the crowd. and of course, i got stuck between really fat guys who totally squashed me. ah, it was great. apparently, though, one of the bands was like a skinhead band. ooo shit. haha. i then got locked out of my room. i went up to the pent house to study, came back down at 4 and the door was locked. i attempted sleeping in the pent house on a couch but there's a ghost up there, and i kept hearing weird noises, so i didnt sleep much. i came back down and got into my room at 730, and so went to sleep, woke up at 1230, and realized, im not going to class today. so i didnt go to class. i stayed in bed until like 130ish, and then sat in the park for 2 hours. now im doing nothing.
    alex and i had a talk. and im i dont know
    im just really drained, physically and emotionally. im so not able to do anything.
    ramadan started and i dont know... its weird not being home for it.

    ah i want to just sleep and never wake up right now. im so exhausted by life.

    chris went back to cali. couldnt do NYU. alex moved out of brittany and is now at 3rd north.

    i need friends that are girls, i think.

    i hate feeling like this. AHOAJOJADOfjODFjksdhfwhfw8ur0824702ujks v

    i think i want to go eat a burrito.
    Friday, September 16th, 2005
    3:38 pm
    i feel so old. i sat in the park eating breakfast/lunch. and then i just sat there. and this woman passed by me, walking a dog, and smiled at me, and then made the motion with her finger for me to smile. i should be happy. i dont know. i think birthdays just depress me. i didnt want to wake up today.
    my roommates bought me flowers. i have good friends.
    i just miss you, so much.
    i might be home next weekend. my parents asked me to come this weekend, but i didnt want to.
    i might go exercise or something. i feel fat.
    im 19. i cant give honest smiles.
    ugh. i hate birthdays.
    Saturday, September 10th, 2005
    2:13 pm
    the pagoda dude from Royal Tenenbaums (spelled wrong) was in Washington Square Park this afternoon. Movie tapping. I love sitting in Washington Square Park, except for the fucking pigeons. The don't move. And I'm scared that one day, i'm either going to get my toes bitten off or crapped on. I have a fear of getting crapped on.
    I tried staying in bed for as long as possible this morning. the days are slightly boring, so it's sitting around waiting for night, waiting for something to do. So, i stayed in bed until 1230, and then was like, fuck. i cant lie here all day.
    i had a job interview yesturday. eh. i dont know. id have to work almost every day and come back early from winter break. i think i may take it though just cuz i really need the money.
    i dont know what to do about alex. it sucks.
    i hate my classes, all but one. i think im stupid and shouldnt be here. i dont get the shit. well, i do, i just cant get myself to focus.
    there are some days when i love being here, and there are other times when i just want to go home. so im up and down, happy then depressed (or slightly depressed, eh sad).
    i had the nastiest hot dogs last night. saw bloc party (fuckin awesome) and then we got really hungry. garrett left to get jamba juice. lauren went back to her dorm. then jason and i went back to our dorm. the "tripod party" had failed. a depressing catastrophy. so we went to get hotdogs. two hotdogs and a drink from 2.75. well, ive never had them before. so i was like, yes i want one with cheese and one with relish and ketchup and mustard. so i get them, take three bites, two of the cheese one, and feel sick to my stomach. it's gross. it's like 90 cents for both the hot dogs. i thought i was going to vomit. so 3.50 (cuz the cheese was extra) got thrown in the trash. the papya juice i got with the dogs was sick. and i just felt awful. but i still was hungry. jason braved two hot dogs, but had two more left, so he just left them in washington square. bad decision. last night was just a bad night. good for some parts. but not all.
    i dont know what to do with myself right now.
    maybe some homework? eh. i need a job. i feel sick. not physically sick. just sick. i want
    done.
    Wednesday, September 7th, 2005
    10:02 am
    for four days a week, i have class at 1230-315. my scedule kicks. except, i usually have nothing to do. i should prollu do some reading but eh ill do that tonight.
    um, that's it.
    i need a shower so im going to do that.
    ps. im seeing Bloc Party on fridaaayyy
    and i really need a fucking job.
    Friday, September 2nd, 2005
    11:32 am
    i have gotten 9ish hours of sleep tonight. that is the most ive had all week. i need a shower, but my roommates in it. the other left this morning while i was sleeeping, and the other is somewhere else.

    so ever get sick of being who you are? i was pondering this while lying in bed a couple min. ago, until my roommate banged on the door, cuz she forgot to take her key with her (returning). and i was thinking, fuck. if i acted not like me, i'd prolly get along with people better. id have no issues. im already having difficulty answering my phone and returning phone calls. and making up lies so i dont have to hang out with people. awful awful awful.
    im not unhappy, bye no means. i just dont yeh i dont know actually. i am a bit fed up with myself for being fucking weird and unable to conform. why desire to conform?

    i need to buy an iron and an ironing board. my clothes are wrinkly. but, i'm finallly organized and not living out of a suitecase anymore!

    in a moment of utter truthness, i dont knw how long i can do this
    11:32 am
    i have gotten 9ish hours of sleep tonight. that is the most ive had all week. i need a shower, but my roommates in it. the other left this morning while i was sleeeping, and the other is somewhere else.

    so ever get sick of being who you are? i was pondering this while lying in bed a couple min. ago, until my roommate banged on the door, cuz she forgot to take her key with her (returning). and i was thinking, fuck. if i acted not like me, i'd prolly get along with people better. id have no issues. im already having difficulty answering my phone and returning phone calls. and making up lies so i dont have to hang out with people. awful awful awful.
    im not unhappy, bye no means. i just dont yeh i dont know actually. i am a bit fed up with myself for being fucking weird and unable to conform. why desire to conform?

    i need to buy an iron and an ironing board. my clothes are wrinkly. but, i'm finallly organized and not living out of a suitecase anymore!

    in a moment of utter truthness, i dont knw how long i can do this
    Wednesday, August 31st, 2005
    9:47 am
    zenib's amazing adventure.

    so i was going to meet hana today for dinner and shit. well, she says, take the subway and gives me directions and shit. i do so. i get on at 8th, get to 142 st. and then hell. im supposed to get on the A train. i do, but it's the wrong one. so la la la on i go, on the sub, and fuck, an hour goes by and im still on and i havent seen 10068 st. stop. so okay. i keep going. see a gorgeous guy sitting near me, start to draw him, but keeping attention at the stops. and bam. "this is the last stop." i knew something was wrong when i saw water and the stops were marked "BEACH" right. i get off, and look at a subway map. im out of brooklyn on some little island strip. shit. i call my roommate, hoping a native brooklyner (tristen) is with her to help me. nope. so she hangs up (!$#^@). i call alex, not like he can do anything but it calms me down. i get back on after asking someone if the sub goes back to manhatten. it does. so lalala on i go. im already wayy wayy sweaty (its impossible to not be sweaty here). canal st stop. canal street is like maybe 20/30 blocks away from where i need to be. so i stay on. West 4th street. i figure, fuck, i dont want to get lost/stuck on the sub so i figure, hey i can walk. bad. i get off and start walking the wrong way cuz im all disorienated. i go from 4th to 6th ave (wrong fucking way). i walk up washington st or something and then husdon st until i ask some dude graffiting if he knows how i can get to broadway and 10th. "youre totally going the wrong way. walk like 8 blocks down and then make a left and you'll see it). so i start walking down canal street for fucking ever until i finally reach broadway. by car, not a long way. by walk, fucking fucking long. so i walk and walk and walk and i finally reach the kimmel center. whoot, 8 more blocks. im dead fucking tired, sweaty and slightly hungry. roommates are out. and yeh im tired. need shower stat.

    my amazing adventure began at 530. i get back to my room at 930. how swell is that?

    lesson learned? no more subway unless im with someone who knows it.
    second lesson? stop being antisocial. that i cant do much about. maybe i could, but whatever.

    anyway, tomorrow is another day. and hana wants me to take the sub again, but this time to brooklyn so i can pretty much maybe do it.

    dad and sister are coming up on thurs.

    i need to shower and then figure out something to do.
    and my fucking labtop clock keeps fucking up
    Monday, August 29th, 2005
    7:36 pm
    so college.
    moved in. all is well. i couldnt fall asleep so went to bed at like 3. then woke up at 6 and got out of bed and looked at the city as the sun was rising. not bad.. pretty. and then slept for another hour and now, here i am. i planned on sleeping until 830, but yeh, that's not happening. a lot to do todayyyy
    so roomate is nice. suitemates are nice. made some friends. yeah yeah whoo goo me. and i think i may get scurvy. is that possible? just because i havent had any fruit or veggies and shit. i think i'll do that for breakfast. oh, and i have a huge pimple on my forehead. sweeeaattt.
    arg, i think i may go exploring before i get my ID. seee that city at 8 am! whoot. i need to make some insomniatic friends.
    Friday, August 26th, 2005
    11:05 am
    i leave today.
    move in on sunday
    alex is on a plane to cali

    i feel sick

    we're going to try.

    i still feel like i've lost something.

    i have to get shit together, and finish everything. god... sooo much to do
    Sunday, August 14th, 2005
    7:12 pm
    i got a new cell phone! i can text and take pic and send pics. yayyY!!!!! but i havent used it yet. still using the old until the service is up or until i dont feel guilty using the new one. but, i'll post the new number or just email it to people.
    tomorrow is my last day of work
    im having issues with people who need to stop calling me, but im too nice to say anything but not too nice to not return phone calls. so whenever i check my phone its like 5 missed calls, three new voice messages. i groan and ignore them. ah yeh im just not in the mood right now, at alll and i feel slightly aweful, but not aweful enough to care enough. ahhh i suck
    anyywayyyy 14 more days until i leave
    shit, i need to start organizingggggg

    and i feel in love with a $400 silver swishy perfect dress that i want soooo sooo badly, so hey! anyone want to buy me a dress?? it's soo loveeellyyy
    Sunday, July 31st, 2005
    8:56 pm
    oi, it's august tomorrow
    almost time for nyu. god.
    im a little freaked.
    summer has been eh alright. done at bloomingdales aug 13 or the 14th. my boss was trying to keep me until the 20th, but i got out of it.

    i apologize for not calling people who i really want to see (nup, miles, almost being the top three). i have some more free time this week, so i promise to make phone calls and such to see people.

    ah, i feel so old.
    im so not able to do college. what the fuck was i thinking? i cant go to fuckin nyu. ahhhhh god. i suck at making friends and doing the whole social thing. i hate school (though everyone saya, college isnt like school). baghhkhakfhda
    i wasnt made for college.

    oi oi oi
    my soul hurts.

    oh, and i wont be getting a new cell until aug 29. fucking a, i'll already be in New York. im upset about that. ahhhhh damn sprint contract, bastards...
    Tuesday, July 12th, 2005
    5:51 pm
    ooo

    second day off. boringish day.

    i practically broke my foot doing absolutely nothing. so i had to go to the doctor's today to get it xrayed to make sure it isnt fractured. it's not fractured. just swollen and bruised and it kills and it sucks walking on it. what the fuck did i do? absolutely fucking nothing! who scrwes their foot up by doing nothing? ME! ahhhh yeah, so it should be aok, i think. i just really dont want to go to work.

    sooo the kick ass person rocks intensely.

    this is a not so shitty summer, eh?

    anyway, i need to still see some people before the summer's over.

    Current Mood: in pain
    Tuesday, July 5th, 2005
    4:25 pm
    it's july!!

    summer is work. i cant wait to quit. this week isnt so bad though. i have late shift tonight (6-closing). off tomorrow. early on thursday (i get done at 620), full stupid day on friday (120-close) and i forget saturday.

    Almost, i have not gone off the face of the earth. i have just been intensely lazy. I need to have that "party" to get you out.

    I'm debating whether or not to buy a pair of cowboy boots.

    i cleaned my room and the bathroom today. whooo what a great morning!!!! and now im ingesting cookies and Diet coke with lime. har har

    i cant wait until i can leave for college. NYC...ack...i honestly just want the summer to be over so i can leave. i know i should be enjoying my summer, but seriously, what's to enjoy? i work full time, with two days off a week. ah, well, i shall cherish my two days off a week and call people.

    oi im donee

    oh, exciting things of this summer : i met this pretty kick ass person. annd! suicide machines July 16!!!!!!! with the adolescents. ooh yeahh, im siked. now, if i could only just get my ass to the beach....

    Current Mood: blah
    Wednesday, June 8th, 2005
    7:18 pm
    i officially graduate tomorrow.

    whoa.



    yeah, summer - im pretty much working full time hours at the wonderous bloomingdales, but if anyone wants to hang out or anything,

    4844109197 or supercow325@hotmail.com

    i'll be around. but i suck at keeping in contact with people. i appologize to all for that.

    have great summers (early early early)

    Current Mood: indescribable
    Monday, May 30th, 2005
    2:39 pm
    im thinking of getting a second job. need to start looking for that.

    graduation: 10 more days.
    Friday, May 13th, 2005
    9:27 am
    so in my boredom, i decided to check out the top 1000 best high schools in America. I actually skimed the list to see if any schools i knew of were on the list. well:

    427 | Harriton* | Rosemont | Pa. | 1.701 | 6.2

    Harriton High makes number 427. whoa. insane. They base the best school on how many APs are taken divided by the number of graduating seniors or something like that. But, still. Harriton? I thought Radnor or Lower Merion or even Conestoga beat out Harriton. How fucking odd.

    Yeah. Aiee. I didn't want to stay home today, so i came to school. I had to wake up early anyway to drop my little sister off, sooo i am at school. Writing this shit ass paper for craft. What bull shit. "What have you learned in my class so i feel special?" gah, what crap. This paper has nothing to do whith how we have improved as writers, beacause we have done absolutely nothing in this class. My writing is still shitty and i still write the same. Lady is stupid and thick headed. I have 4 pages of bullshittiness that will please her stupid heart and make her feel better about herself. I believe i need 6. heh, and im using 13 font and my margins are set at 1.25. haha. and double spaced. heh. once i get this done, im gonna go out and sit in the sun. i feel like im transparently pale and need some sun.

    i ate a huge ass cinnabun for breakfast. gahh bowels are moving. ewww

    Current Mood: tired
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